FBA: Examining the Heat

There's something that you and every professional athlete in the world have in common, and it isn't an innate desire for all things Beyonce.

Aging. You, me and everyone else eventually gets cranky. Creaky. The muscles get tighter, the joints get stiffer, and rolling out of bed every morning takes a little longer. If you're sitting in your cubicle right now, wondering where along the way that you lost those six-pack abs and added that tuft of ear air, take solace: So is Larry Bird.

And though they aren't ready to be put into homes just yet, the Miami Heat already are grumpy old men. Just watch them play: ranked 29th in the league in scoring, 28th in steals and 24th in both field-goal attempts and assists, they're more stopped up than Elvis on his worst day.